Kinda like Darwin awards....

Number One Idiot of 2007

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.

I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

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Number Two Idiot of 2007

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.

It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

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Number Three Idiot of 2007

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, 'Put all your muny in this bag.' While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left.

He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.

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Number Four Idiot of 2007

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.

Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

Wise guy........ But you still get a sign

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Number Five Idiot of 2007

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are over 21.'
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.

The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.

The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.

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Idiot Number Six of 2007

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.

The first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign

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Idiot Number Seven of 2007

I live in a semi-rural area. ( Weyauwega , Wisconsin ) We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.

The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! - I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

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(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)

DJ's radio ga ga

A radio DJ chatted away for an hour - without realising he had forgotten to press the broadcast button.

Radio Teesside's Andy Greener was effectively talking to himself while his listeners heard a back-up tape of music and jingles.

Mr Greener's witty banter, chat about the news and crucial weather update disappeared into the ether, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Meanwhile, station boss Peter Dixon, listening at home, was trying desperately to alert the presenter on the phone.

Eventually, Mr Dixon got through and only then did the DJ realise the on-air light in the studio was not on.

He took a couple of minutes to compose himself, before pressing the right button and start broadcasting once again.

Mr Greener told the Northern Echo: "I've been doing the show three days a week for ten months and always pressed the button at the right moment. Goodness knows why I forgot this time.

"I thought the show would be going down well. The studio phone kept ringing, but I was too busy talking to answer. I now know that some of the calls were from people pointing out the blunder."

Mr Dixon, the station's only employee, will not fire his "excellent" breakfast show DJ, who is one of 35 volunteers at the station.

He said: "It's quite funny he was talking to himself for an hour. We try to do it in a professional way, but the presenters are all unpaid and they just do it out of dedication."

Dwarf crime a 'growing problem'

Thieves are robbing long-distance coaches by sneaking dwarves into the luggage holds in sports bags.

Once inside, they slip out from their hiding places to rifle through the belongings of unsuspecting travellers.

Then they take their loot back to their hiding place and wait to be collected by another gang member when the coach reaches its destination, reports The Sun.

They have stolen thousands of pounds in cash, gems and other valuables in recent months.

Swebus, which ferries thousands of Brits across Sweden, has been among coach firms targeted.

A spokesman said: "We have had reports about several thefts by dwarves on the stretch between Vasteras and Stockholm.

"We're thinking of installing video cameras."

A Stockholm Police spokesman said: "We are looking at our records to identify criminals of limited stature."

Computer translates dog barks

Hungarian scientists are working on a computer programme to enable people to understand dog barks.

The software is said to work out the nuances of a dog's barks, howls, yaps and growls, reports the BBC.

After analysing 6,000 barks, it aims to determine when a dog has seen a ball, when it is fighting, playing, meeting a stranger or when it wants a walk.

But the scientists admit the technology only just out-performs humans.

While the computer correctly recognised the emotional state of 43% of dogs, humans did almost as well with 40%.

Csaba Molnar, from Eotvos University in Budapest, told the BBC: "I would say that we proved there are very strong contextual differences between the barks.

"But very long further work is needed to determine which emotional states and which characteristics belong to each different breed."

Prisoner joined by his bull

A Serbian farmer has been allowed to take his prize bull to prison with him after an emotional appeal to jail bosses.

Hamdija Djuric, 54, from Novi Sad was sentenced to a year in prison for assault after he hit another man during an argument in a local bar.

But judges ruled he could take his one-and-a-half ton bull Micko with him after lawyers argued that if the farmer went to jail the bull would have to be slaughtered.

They said there was no one to look after him and that the animal was too valuable to the farmer to be put down.

Micko will be kept in a specially converted cell on the ground floor at the prison. If both are well behaved they should be free by Christmas.

Prosecutors cannot find God

A Romanian convict's legal action against God has failed - because prosecutors could not find God’s address.

Pavel Mircea, from Timisoara, who is serving a 20 year sentence for murder, launched legal action against God two years ago.

In his legal claim he stated: "God and I closed a contract when I was baptised and God did not respect his part of the deal.

"He was supposed to protect me from all evils and instead he gave me to Satan who encouraged me to kill."

And he demanded financial compensation for all the money he spent on candles and church services which he claims did not help him either.

But the prosecutors in Timisoara have decided to drop the case after two years.

A spokesman said: "We could not find God’s address. He has no home address."

School shuns 'hell' of a pupil

A Catholic school refused to enrol a five-year-old because his surname was Hell.

St Peter Apostle School in Melbourne suggested that Max Hell would only be admitted if he used his mother's maiden name.

His father initially agreed. But when it came to signing the enrolment forms Alex Hall decided to stand firm in defence of his family's name, reports The Times.

"We're quite devastated by the whole thing," Mr Hell, a Catholic father of three said. "So what if I've got a name like Hell? That's my family history and my name."

Mr Hell, 45, who is of Austrian heritage, said his surname meant light or bright in German. "It's 2007, not 1407 - it's not the Dark Ages."

The Hells approached St Peter Apostle School hoping to transfer their son from a state school, apparently because he was being bullied over his surname.

St Peter Apostle agreed it would to receive the boy on condition that he adopt his mother's maiden name of Wembridge.

After Mr Hell publicly complained about the school's refusal to enrol his son, the school later had a change of heart.

But Mr Hell, who said he he was also bullied because of his surname when he attended a Catholic school as a child, said he was now reluctant to consider a Catholic education for his children.

"I've had enough. I was ridiculed as a child... I want him to be accepted as Max Hell, but obviously he's not," he said.